Movies Finally Watched: G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra

So yeah starting a new segment called Movies Finally Watched about notable movies that I haven’t got down to watching yet. It will kind of be a review, but not like the interRacials Review series. I was meaning to do these posts back in the summer, but I was lazy. But without further ado, my thoughts on last summer’s G.I. Joe movie…

Man, I am glad that I stuck with my guns and didn’t blow eight bucks to see this crappity film. It is another attempt of Hollywood half assing a movie to make big bucks off of our nostalgia (though G.I. Joe was before my time, still enough to know they messed this one up).

STORY -

My one sentence summary of the story is… Evil terrorist group that will become Cobra tries to use advance metal eating nukes to take control of the world, but have to be stopped by a special international command group, G.I. Joe.

HITS-

• The nano-tech bomb detonation looked cool
• Sienna Miller didn’t butcher her lines as bad as I thought she would (former model, actually been in alright films)
• The only action scenes I wanted to see where the ones with Snake Eyes or Storm Shadow in it (thank you Ray Park for being able to do your own stunts)
• Tyle would love the brief like 30 seconds of Brendan Fraser (don’t won’t admit it, but he was sooo playing Gung Ho)
• Baroness looked hot even though we’re suppose to hate her

MISSES-

• Channing Tatum is an absolutely terrible actor and they took away his good looks by giving him a goatee
• I don’t remember Christopher Eccleston’s accent being so bad to listen to (He made Dr. Who sound cool, what happened?)
• Why the f did they kill Covergirl? She suppose to be able to hold her own!
• The accelerator suit looks like a reject Spartan Armor, Master Chief wouldn’t wear that thing into battle
• Every vehicle in this movie looked ridiculous (Transformers 2 tried too hard, these guys didn’t try hard enough)
• We all laughed at Cobra Commander’s “Darth Vader” voice (makes you miss the funny screechy voice from the cartoon)
• There wasn’t enough Scarlett in this film (isn’t she suppose to be more eye candy than the Baroness?)
• Umm its suppose to be G.I. Joe-real AMERICAN hero (Heavy Duty, Breaker, and Cover Girl were all Joes that weren’t American, and every action scene takes place away from the U.S. soil cept the jet plane scene)
• Baroness suppose to be ruthless killer, they gave her a f’ing redemption storyline
• It really doesn’t make any sense that nice guy Rex enters a bunker, it blows up, and now he wants revenge as Cobra Commander
• The Cobra solider’s mask and Commander’s mask look like the ones from Army of Two and it kept bugging me

I'm terrified of this guy?

So yeah I deem this movie: 1 Time Watch Only

For those nights in which you are really bored and don’t care what you want to watch, you can watch this and never rewatch it again. Oh and they’re making a sequel, one I would care less to see.

~ by interracials1 on October 3, 2009.